Star Wars Episode VII: The Last Jedi My Thoughts

Spoilers ahead, be warned. Thoughts about The Last Jedi:

Ok characters first:

Hux: Wannabe boy (like everyone around him except Kylo appear older) who calls himself General, not much of a leader or tactician (for example why the heck did he not use the rest of his Star Destroyers?)

Kylo: Young wannabe kid as well with too many little boy characteristics: cannot take insult from Master and smash his mask–not like he looks better without it. Go shirtless and talk to your enemy/friend/girlfriend/partner (can you make up your mind who Rey is?) Also lousy tactician–cannot plan the destruction on Mom’s small fighters and only tell kid companion Hux “I’m Supreme Leader!” (Doesn’t sound like Ozymandias mind you…)

Snoke: Failed Palpatine Wannabe. First, why did you pick such as weakling like Kylo/Ben who can’t even “caputure” a scavenger who rather talks to your apprentice in private? (Failed Jedi/Sith powers). Second, your throne room is nothing compare to Palpy’s friend, looks more like a red curtain and some red boys who can’t fight that well. Third, nice torturing of Rey, but hey man, you spent to much time throwing her around while your emo apprentice who you insulted earlier sliced through you with the Skywalker lightsaber. Maybe next time double check your apprentice and don’t insult him yeah?

Captain Phasma: Or is it Loser Phasma? Killed by your yee-hah ex-stormtrooper? Look ma’am next time, don’t form up the stormtrooper parade (err what are the drill commands in SW language?) and bring your executioners who can count to three themselves. Your predecessors can show you how to shoot and not kill…

(Can’t think much of the other FO (no not dirty word!) characters. Yeah most of them can’t command a battle anyway.)

Admiral Ackbar: Sadly, my friend it was a trap for you, or maybe not. Come one, you’re an Admiral (though Lando did more of the tactics in ROTJ), you had more than 30 years of fighting (maybe it was because you’re old), and you didn’t lead an evacuation well (ok boss Leia was i/c)

Amilyn Holdo: Average tactician, ok you probably deserve the rank on Captain, not Vice-Admiral (though SW loves rank inflation, look at kiddy Hux for example). I don’t care for your hair style or colour.

Poe Dameron: Definitely a not a Wedge Antilles. Lead a rebellion, not obeying orders, but somehow X-Wing fighter, ground fighter and everything combined into one. If you ever want to launch a coup, recruit Poe

BB-8: Droid that can fly or control an Imperial Walker. Way too unbelievable. Also, taking off its head is useless; it just can be reattached back on.

C-3P0: Useless comic relief. Been there done that.

R2-D2: You really lose out to the Beachball, oops BB-8. Amazingly, you still have the Leia video. Tells you how much storage space he has (Get a R2 unit, not a flashdrive/thumbdrive)

Chewie: Aw now your an advert for vegetarians. Never eat meat anymore once you meet a cute little ‘Pufffin”. Oh, instead of a smuggler, you have a cutie bird as your Falcon Captain.

Leia: You really need to retire or just drop the General rank. Princess was way better. And who taught you to travel through space after FO TIEs easily destroyed your cruiser’s bridge? Definitely not your “I failed” brother. No a much better tactician that the rest.

Luke: Best of all actually though takes a while to understand why this hero didn’t want to do much after nephew half-turned to the Dark Side. And next time. don’t throw away your green lightsaber. The girl could really have killed you.

Rey: If TFA didn’t project you as a know-it-all, do-it-all Mary Sue, then this movie did it. Next time, you want to get Luke’s attention, don’t just give him a lightsaber! (More of that below) Then dear, next time respect the Master and not worry so much about turning emo-kid back to the light side. And who taught you how to swim in water? There wasn’t any in Jakku. Nor did you appear to be affected by new environments.

Page: Cute girl and seems more like a Resistance fighter than the rest of them. Other wise, the “horse-like” racing didn’t match you. And your crying and protesting didn’t work for me.

Finn: Simply, can you please shut up.

Other points:

TLJ teaches you how not to greet people: 1) Handing a (dejected) Jedi Master his old lightsaber instead of saying “hello”. Shooting your uncle/failed teacher/enemy with canons from six different walkers.

First it is Poe-likes/loves-Finn, Finn-likes/love Rey. Now Finn-likes/loves Paige. Didn’t they teach them “two’s a company, three’s a crowd, four’s a…”

I thought Poe and Rey met in TFA? Why did they introduce themselves in the last scene?

As mentioned, where the hell did the FO get all those Star Destroyers/Mega-sized Star Destroyers? They didn’t do much damage any how thanks to the boy generals…

Up to now, the Resistance,, formerly Rebellion, don’t know how to take down Imperial Walkers. And conveniently, there are trenches for them again. Didn’t they learn anything from Hoth?

The Resistance Bombers are practically useless war machines, inasmuch as they are copies of WWII bombers. I mean, do you expect to easily sail above the enemy ship and deploy your bomblets or whatever they are called?

Kylo/Ben, as people previously pointed out, look nothing like Leia and Han or even a nephew of Luke. Yeah, he couldn’t have dyed his hair but come on….

May I add what the heck was that scene Luke milking that creature? Looked damn gross.

That said, Miss can-do-it all Rey may look like a Skywalker, but doesn’t fit (at the moment)

Ok enough said. Have to stop eating Porgs and be like Chewie…haha

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